Death by shit talking

One of my colleagues constant whittering is making me want to cut my ears off.  It’s not just the frequency of the babbling, but, as is often the case with your common garden shit talker, it’s also the content. Eg, now she’s pretending to have a deep knowledge of hand writing analysis. Yesterday, she was talking expertly about her boyfriend’s army carreer (one year as a cheese eating surrender monkey - not really a career in my books). She went on to say this “But, you know, the French army’s the biggest in the world,
ay?” Totally serious. When someone said, “ok, what about China?” she held firm. I couldn’t resist poking my head around the corner at this point and saying “The Chinese army could potentially be bigger than the entire population of France - are you sure you’ve got your facts straight?”. She still wouldn’t admit any mistake, but went on about the fact that she used to work in a French military hospital, and heard this from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. I asked her if it was a mental hospital, she admitted that yes it was, but my wide grin didn’t seem to invoke any kind of realisation…..I’m starting to think she’s a robot, planted her to test us. I expect her and a team of her ilk will soon be uniting, Power Ranger style, into a huge shit talking doll, trotting from town to town exploding heads with very loud, inaccurate sermons on the speed of light being attainable by
French GIs.