There’s this bird at work, bit of a loon, but generally I used to think she was ok. The other day we had some confusion over whether or not she’d put something on my desk and after 5 minutes of circular discussion where she claimed not to have done, it transpired that I was right and she had.
I chuckled and called her a ‘crazy bastard’ in a genuinely affectionate sort of way, at which point she flew into some sort of super-razzy and stormed off. Despite being assured by anyone who knew me that I’d only said it because I considered her to be a mate, she refused point-blank to speak to me.
Today, the moronic bitch finally warmed a little, and as I stood in her corner of the office indulging in a bit of post-argument awkward chit-chat, she couldn’t resist dragging the whole thing back out.
‘But you don’t understand’ I pleaded, ‘It was said as banter, you know, if I really meant it I wouldn’t have said it.’ (There was logic in there somewhere).
‘You should never talk like that to a lady.’ she decreed in reply, and that was it, the classic ‘speak first, think later’ sub-routine was already executing itself –
‘Yeah of course, but you’re no lady.’
The ripple of stifled laughter in our vicinity was swiftly followed by a menacing glare and her purposeful exit from the room. Some things will never change.