Judgey folk in automobiles

Easy Now, bolo public and you mindless Nigerian spam hawkers. I hoep all is well in your worlds.

Having relatively recently acquired both car and license, I have been driving to work lately in an effort to fully get to grips with the machine. Needless to say, 1st year insurance premiums are high for a reason and I have made a few cock-ups in my fledgling driving days. Nothing serious as yet (touch wood, swear at the moon, lick the back of a toad, spit milkshake on a tramp). This morning on my way in I mistakenly positioned myself to overtake a bus which was stopped at its stop, but had to abandon the effort as there were cars coming the other way, so i was up against the side of the bus. A stupid mistake, but given that there was a vacant bus lane on the other side of the road, there was no danger and the cars could move over safely.

Embarrassed, and realising I had made a pretty stupid mistake, I put my hand up by way of an apology to the approaching cars. The passengers in car 1 were revelling at my mistake, clapping, laughing and pointing. Nice. Car 2 was a police car, so I did not look to see what kind of finger waving antics the fat croissant munching twunts were pulling in there. A bit of ridicule, a stupid mistake, a lesson learned, fair enough. There was no excuse for the agressive sarcastic gesticulating of the woman in the car to my right though, as she had seen that I was embarrassed, that I had apologised and that I generally knew I had fucked up before she proceeded with her little show, another brave display from within the safe confines of a locked steel box. She just wanted to get her self-righteous little say in. And for that, I hope she comes a karmic croper. Nothing serious, not like a full on anal prolapse or anything, perhaps she’ll believe she’s wiped properly but in fact miss an obvious clag on, adhering to her undoubtedly hairy and horrificly unsightly crack, before being squished into her pants and ensuring that she is known for the rest of the day as “that bird who has probably shit herself”. Or perhaps she’ll be talking one of her colleagues down and she’ll start choking on a banana, relying on the person she’s slagging off to come and save her, knowing that she is totally powerless for those few seconds. Or maybe she’ll scrape her car against a wall trying to overtake a bus. Who knows?

For my part, I am going to go back to being as cautious as possible without driving like I’m 110 and try and not be so judgemental when people screw up on the road. Maybe they are not doing it to specifically persecute me afterall……

2 Responses

  1. Lost in America says:

    i think i have just followed through laughing so hard.
    I too have come across the self loving, ass wiping mug heads that think they have the right to not only point out the obvious bollock drop but to act in such a manner that it has and never will happen to them. Holy’er than thow mutha’s, they shoudl all be lined up and roger’d with a splinterful piece of two by four which they can put with the head and make a shed.

  2. Groover says:

    I have received a letter from Renault telling me that the bonnet catch on my Clio is prone to faults and that there is a small statistical chance that it will fail at a key moment, such as when driving at high speed on the M25 desperately trying to get my girlfriend to the airport in time for her plane, causing the bonnet to fly up in my face, cue mass car pile up and dismayed byline in the Daily Mail.

    Do I get it fixed though? Do I take up their offer (and subsequent legal action avoider) of a free check. No, of course not. I prefer to live in danger, driving with a fixed grimace, constantly re-calculating how I might safely get to the hard shoulder without being able to see.

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