Stop the car, I just want to pick up that cat’s bones

Big up your respected chests boloists. Just trying to get something down too – I know what you mean Coybag. Today has been the sort of day that makes you extremely envious of anyone lucky enough to have a dog to spike with Coca-Cola. It began extremely early – up at 6, awake at 5, ringpiece contracting in anticipation of driving test number 2. Get there 25 minutes early, having managed to munch down just half a bit of toast with my useless, saliva free mouth. Forced to chat football with the cunt that runs the driving school – his other conversational mode revolves around teenage birds, so I suppose that was a blessing in disguise really.

Get to the test centre, legs shaking nervously like a kid with ADD and a belly full of mentos and coke. I’m ready to pop. You just know it’s going to go tits up, but why is it so important and nerve-racking? I think it may be raw harshness of being in a position where some hard-faced bint with confused genitalia has the RIGHT, nay the absolute NEED to JUDGE you. I mean, obviously it couldn’t be any other way, given that they are effectively putting youths in front of highly powered combustion engine driven machines, but some part of me just HATES THAT SHIT. Not that I didn’t deserve to fail – I drove like RAb C Nesbit on a Smack come down. Very very jerky and Oh so off the right trajectory. Gear changes that would knock the spliff out of your hands every time. 40 km/h in a 30 zone, in second – the engine whining like a weasel being ripped to shreds by two wild boars – have it.

Still, decided to try and vent some of the negative energy on the way home from work by calling on an old trusted friend – the pool hall, and his cousin, strong belgian lager. Things are slightly more rosy now, but the need to burst this stress crammed whitehead of a mood lingers on, so I’m giving bolo a semi-eloquent, smut filled bashing.

Had an interesting chat with the owner of the pool hall though. I’d picked him as some kind failed cue sports pro, but it turns out he is an ex-managing director of Ford France. Never judge a book by its cover, this geezer sits there pretending to read the racing form, but he’s actually learning Russian, the mentalist. He also confirmed a commonly held view about the local Bordeaux folk (the “Bordelais”)….but that’s another story.

3 Responses

  1. Coybag says:

    It’s amazing, the cathartic power of bolo..why have we been neglecting this resource? Anyway, thanks for the idea for the next experiment…hey doggy, want some Mentos with your coke….heeheehee

  2. Coybag says:

    Shit, sorry for laughing out loud..I am smacking myself across the back of the head with a 90’s Nokia brick as we speak…think it comes from texting a girl, the brain-softening effects of a new relationship could provide a possible explanation for my slackness bolo-wise…at least I didn’t use ‘lol’, that would have meant insertion of said Nokia, then execution by rape squad…

  3. Groover says:

    Shame about the test. On the plus side it sounds like you are well on your way to becoming a gettaway driver. Keeping the gears low and the revs high should be compulsory, if only to unnerve the pedestrians.

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