Daytime Television

scissors on ipodWorking from home throws up a range of semi-uninteresting differences. One of these is that I catch a bit more daytime television than I used to. Probably a bit more than I really need to see, truth be told.

My current favourites are:
Doctors – an improbable disease accompanied by bad acting accompanied by a bit of light-hearted oh life’s not too bad really comedy action is brilliant late lunch fodder.
Loose Women – Nothing is better for relieving stress than hurling some abuse at a bunch of jaded harpies ranting on about rice cakes.
Neighbours – An old favourite, but still worth a mention. Current most excellent storyline is the guy in the wheelchair who is slowly regaining the use of his legs. Seeing his little toes flicking about and the resulting gush of emotion from his buxom cast members is enough entertainment to keep me chuckling all the way until the next tea break.

Anyway, today I discovered a new one. A game show format lifted from family fortunes – just remove the family and score higher points for getting the answer that’s a) on the board AND b) was said by the least people (cunning eh?). There’s an inevitable array of pitfalls on offer for the slack-jawed contestants to negotiate and the winner emerges from their half hour of bemusement and ‘comedy’ responses with about 50p. I think I was lucky to catch it today because one of the questions was ‘which part of your body would you be prepared to sell for a million pounds?’ After a couple of easy ‘little toe’ ‘hair’ responses, things took a turn for the weird.

One contestant suggested ‘lungs’, clearly forgetting he needed these to breathe. One contestant (presumably a non-drinker) was keen to offer up their ‘liver’. I was just recovering that when the final guy suggested ‘all of me fingers’.

‘All of your fingers?’ Brian Connelly cried (for yes, I am ashamed to say, it was he), ‘then you’d look like this’ (holds hands up and proceeds to do an amusing, but extremely inappropriate mime action of having no fingers involving a fair bit of fist wiggling).

‘Yes’ the contestant replies ‘it wouldn’t really bother me’ and so saying he holds up his as yet unseen hand to reveal nothing but stumps on the fingers of one hand. Brian Connelly looks abashed, like someone’s just crapped on his grandmother. Nothing like this has happened since 1986 when Jeremy Beadle tried to shake his hand at the Royal Variety Show. He has nailed himself to his own cross.

I fall off my chair. Then I figure I better get back to doing some work.


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