Well, well, it’s been a long time boloites. What better way to return to this fair site than with a story about skanky french toilet habits? No better way if you ask me, no better way.
Here’s the scoop : We work in a managed office complex and the reception area and facilities, most notably the toilets, are therefore shared by the eployees of several companies. One of the toilets on the ground floor has been closed to all business for over a month now, with a sign on the door professing ‘vandalism’ to be the reason, presumably chod-orientated I hear you say. Finger paintings etched in shit, clinging loosely to the red plastic coated walls…
Only today did I discover the full story and the reasoning behind closing one of our loos (causing my almost all female colleagues to beel and whinge about the toilet seat not being down, etc etc). Apparently, some bright spark has been systematically blocking up all the toilets in the building. He or she does this by creating a very substantial nest of paper in the bog before defecating on top of it. Perhaps he is convinced his turds are alive and does not want to drown them? In any case, this is particularly anti-social stuff as it means the cleaning lady actually has to get her hand in there to remove some of the business end of the mound before the blockage can be cleared. Flushing is not sufficient.
But why close one toilet on the ground floor? What will that prove? According to the girls on reception, it will make it easier to catch the phantom shitter (murderer…can you here the song yet?) as they will better be able to track the comings and goings of the toilet users. They think that now they have reduced the number of available toilets, shitting will become “accountable” as the chances of someone coming in directly after an airborne steamer has been deployed are now increased….WTF? The accountablilty of shitting. Only in France? Perhaps. Toilets are noticeably more rank over here, it must be said. The flat we bought last year did not have a toilet with water in it – but the old sort where it’s just a pipe and you send the water down after your business and hope for the best. Smelling goooooooood….
In any case, they’re going to catch the fiend at some point and monkey face him in public. Check out www.youknowwhenyouvebeenmonkeyfaced.net for the full low down.
I hope to be back with non-chod related etchings in the near future.
May this be an Indian summer for all boloites.
I think the culprit is a recent emigrant from the fair shores of Blighty – about a year ago the same thing started happening to the toilets in our building, lovely when you’re the facilities person who has a shit-caked engineer moaning to you about it while your eyes are pissing torrents from the Judy Dench. Then it mysteriously stopped. Now I hear of this. Coincidence? Something’s fishy, for sure – at least on this side of the channel it’s no longer an abominable snowman of used tampons crawling out of a u-bend…