Consulting gone wrong

Well, I’m assuming someone under the broad guise of ‘consultant’ must be responsible for this ridiculous slice of shit.

My uncle is a care worker and he is currently in charge of a facility which looks after mentally disabled adults, mainly down syndrome. It’s a kind of half-way house – the people that live there can look after themselves to an extent, but they’re not quite equipped to deal with the full whack. They tend to work part time jobs, production lines and box stuffing, that sort of thing. They aren’t paid a full wage as they don’t work as fast as non-handicapped people. This works out quite well apparently as many of them need to rest regularly and it also allows time for activities that don’t centre around putting five screws in every box. They have their own football team, for example.

However, their routine is set to be upset after a report found that the residents weren’t working to full capacity. My uncle has been tasked with finding them all full time, minimum wage jobs…For fuck’s sake! You can just imagine the report. “Whilst we respect the good work you do with the downies and other miscellaneous window lickers (and lickerettes), we believe that your profit per downie ratio is well below what it could be. If you were to set them all to work in, say, a steel works or an illegal cock-fighting ring, you could increase the profitability of the centre by 68% over a five year period. Then you might have enough money to pay my fee, you chuppa chup sucking chumps.”

Groover – you’ve recently given up a life in consultancy – so any input as to the viability of this one would be appreciated. There’s a home for the blind next door to me, and I’m thinking about putting them forward for an advanced mine-sweeping mission in the middle east. The bleeting blind bastards. Boom!

One Response

  1. Sweatmag-Pete says:

    What genius Bennie!! Why didn’t I think of this obvious exploitation of a social minority. I could employ those superhuman downies to rip the legs and feathers off chickens and other poultry, they would be top notch at shit like that, or perhaps bending thick metal bars to no real end, that would be amusing. I would pay for that. Now I’m really getting going…What about a UDFC competition, similar to your cock fighting idea.. Two downies, one cage, ULTIMATE DOWNIE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Coming to a Sky channel near you, I am off to phone Rupert Murdoch and that bearded twat Branson now.

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