Email takeover

Have just spent a happy fifteen minutes checking my email and responding to a few received. Of late my email account has become spotted by the evil forces of spam email and the thing has become riddled with adverts. When I open it up each day, I’m lucky to have one or two emails from legitimate acquaintances and unlucky to have about fifteen offering me fit birds in my area, amazing share tips, fake rolexes (rolexi?) and an enlarged cock. Needless to say none of these items interest me (and I don’t need any help with the last, thanks) and I wonder if these people have any kind of success rate at all.

These days in a bid to get through spam filters, the emails come from realistic names. So you get emails from Rogerio Davies, and Stephanie Sambatini. I’m not sure whether these addresses lead back to anything, but recently in a new bid towards stress relief I have begun replying. “Why don’t you kill yourself, you horrible bitch” went to Stephanie, while Rogerio received the more succinct “fuk off Rogerio”. Kirsty, who is promising me daily that her breasts are firm and ripe and worth paying £1 a minute to phone her for a chat was told that “her tits will fall off if she keeps waving them about”.

Partly, I live in fear that these hostile return emails will end up with them sending me even more, but then actually I’m not too bothered. I’ve pretty much accepted I’m going to have to change my email address soon and in the meantime I mean to have fun by abusing as many people as possible.