Banking with robots

bank muppetsI’m all for this internet banking thing. Mainly because as I have a job, it is actually impossible to get to the bank at any time (lets face it I’m never going to get up early on a Saturday morning) without defrauding my employer or spending my lunch time queue shuffling with the other poor saps.

Doing your finances on the magic screen seems the perfect solution and in fact on the most part I have found it to run that way. You log in, do your stuff, log out again all with the feeling of efficiency which banks should give you, but so rarely do. It feels right to see your overdraft marked up in a nice little helvetica font, pointing out to you without the condescension of a human face, that you have absolutely no money.

But recently, it’s all gone wrong on the internet banking front: I managed to lose £40 through an innopportune lean click of a drop down box a month or so ago and then today I tried to set up my online account with HSBC. In what is presumably a bid to stay one step ahead of the thieves, when you set up an account with them they give you about 10 increasingly arcane and difficult to key in (forget remember) codes which you need to get the thing working. Fine. But, how come then half an hour later and a number of attempts (including the usual comical variants of upper and lower case, numbers and guesswork) I’m still sitting here being told my entries generate a 3100 error. What the f is a 3100 error. Is it too much for you halfwits to explain what has caused my entry to jar so badly with your gateway police rather than throwing numerical abasements at me? Is it too much to supply 26 figure codes that work. Give me back the callow youth with acne who always pretends he can’t hear what I’m saying behind his glass screen and his refusal to give me money when I have no id despite the fact that he knows me from school. All is almost forgiven.

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